When anger hides behind attempting sweet goodnights
… how am I supposed to understand?
When I remind you of pain from the past
… how am I supposed to know?
When this impression of me you hold is so great
… how am I supposed to balance?

Fearing loss … it feels so critical as you cringe
at my many imperfections
yet allow me not a bit of questioning, yours.

Have you thought, have you considered …
how tightly you grip in your hands alone
the gears, the totality of control?

If I sat behind you with a smile
… would you feel it?
If I looked into your eyes with apology
… would you know it?
If I squeezed your hand with a question
… would you answer it?
If I cloaked my love with angry fear
… would you forgive it?

Riding faster … and still faster
forces tears without consent
even though I sit tall,
and warmly hold the thrill
of this unwanted pedestal
without a hand toward control
soon … sooner will I fall.